I guess the first step to losing yourself in your disease...

... is the idealization of death.

If someone told me, "You know you could die from this, right?" I would sit there and stare at them for a long while. 

Yes - I know I could die from this - but isn't that what I want?

To slowly but surely shrink, crumble, and float away?

I used to be so afraid of dying, of death.

But the more I think of it, the nicer it sounds.

Death. Freedom. It's synonymous in my head.