The war between me and me.

But I never win.

And now it's evening.

And now I think of going bed.
And now this is where the fear grows in me.

The fear of the night.
The fear of the dark.
The fear of all the thoughts.
I wish I would not need to sleep anymore.

Take the pills and let go...

Wasted on someone that will never care...



I really can't believe I got a blogaward from Mina.

Okay, 7 things about me.

1. I hate what I've become.
2. I see myself as fat and useless no matter what I do.
3. I'm afraid of the night cause this is where I start to think about my life, that frightens me.
4. I wish I could go back to "old times" when I hadn't destroyed anything.
5. I've been in treatment twice but always quit after 4 weeks.
6. I really wish I was a better person who would speak about what worries her.
7. I wish I was dead.

I am giving my blogaward to:
KrümelmonsterLisaCassieAstrid and Lee.





I feel like shit but I still smile because I'd rather not talk about it.

And I also just can't.

Yes, I do.

Being let down over and over again. 
By the person you trust the most.
And then you stop to feel. 
Nothing at all.
Nothing anymore.


THIS is pure beauty.

THIS is Emily Didonato.

How are you? - Fine, thanks.

I just wanted to thank YOU ALL!

Thanks to being my followers.
No matter how long.
If you're here since the very beginning: THANK YOU for being so faithful.
And if you're my reader since just a few days or hours: THANK YOU for starting to read my blog.

I appreciate ever single one of you and I am really glad that YOU are here.
You are all so beautiful and amazing person and I'm sure I can say that without knowing anyone of you.

Stay beautiful and amazing! Stay strong! Be yourself!

Love, Fly. xxx

Oh, I forgot. You are ALWAYS welcome to tell me if you wanna hear something about special topics and you are always welcome to tell me about how you feel.
I'll try to always be here for you all!!!


Tired of trying.

It's like a never ending fight.

Every day.
Over and over again.
And then there is the point, where you don't wanna fight anymore.
Where you just want to give up, lie down on the floor and stay there.
Stop moving, just staring.
And then you die.

I really don't wanna die, but it's even harder to live like that.


You make me wanna die.


I want to be free. And innocent. And clean.

With clean and innocent wrists, arms and hands.
I don't want anybody to see what I am inside.
I want it to be invisible from the outside.

I don't want these scars anymore. PLEASE.
They're haunting me in my dreams.
They make me wanna die.
We, the scars and I, are always in a battle and....
Sometimes they win...


And it feels like you really have the NEED to cry...

But then you remember that you just CAN'T.
And then crying is what you wish for the most
because it might wash away all the pain, the fear and the sadness.


Again and again.

The only way to stop the voice in my head incessantly telling me to kill myself was to relapse.
Now I realize the only reason it stopped is because now I'm constantly working towards a slow suicide.
But I don't regret it.
I have nothing else to live for.

You'll always live in my heart.

No matter how much you hate me.... 

It used to be you and me until the end.

And now there's a you and a me,
but it feels like these two people don't even know each other anymore.
Every one is on his own.
And you don't even know how it feels for me.

It used to be US...
Happy, supportive, sad ... but never alone.
And now it's gone.
I really don't hope that it's forever but it feels like this will be the end.


I wanna go back to good and beautiful times.

Cause I miss them more than you could ever imagine.

You know what's worse than being hated?

It's being ignored because it's like you don't exist at all.
Your presence is nothing.
YOU are nothing.
At least when they hate you, they treat you like you exist.


Sorry for not being what you want me to be.


No, it's just that I can't talk.

I'm sorry, I'm lying to you. I didn't meant to do that.
It just keeps happening.
I don't want you to worry!