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Sonntag

I often imagine how people would react to my death.

A locked door,
A rusty razor,
A towel stained with red,
A folded note,
A broken mirror,
And a young girl lays there dead.
Their emotions tangle,
The room begins to swirl,
Mommy's perfect angel,
Daddy's little girl.

You make me speechless.

You make me feel special.
You make me feel safe.
You make my heart beat faster.
You are the one that I can trust.
You are the one that I want to have around all day.
Here's my heart, you can have it from now until the end.
I don't want it back. Take care of it, please.

When your best friend is also your worst enemy...

But when you get really good at acting, nobody will ever notice!

Samstag

Can't you see me dying, I'm dying alone.

Friend is messaging.

Hey Fly, what are you doing?


-  Actually you just caught me in the restroom purging over the toilet.
   Well, nothing really. Just chillin'.

Please Mum...

Freitag

Take me to the place where there's no more pain!

"So you really feel nothing?"

... I think I lost my feelings. And so does my therapist think!

All this fucking pain.... !

Mittwoch

Effy-Mood.

Dienstag

Blue fingers because of blood loss....

Behind the masks, faces suffer loneliness.

It has never been worse....

I really don't know what to do anymore except of.... dying.

Razor blade massacre.

Free me !

Montag

Speechless...

"Actually I wanted to tell you face to face, but I really think it suits this situation.
I want to know who you are, what you are, why you are the way you are.
Until now the only thing I know is that you are awesome and I am crazy for you."

YOU make me speechless. I really don't deserve you!!

Please let me die... I can't take this anymore... PLEASE!!!

Pain makes people change...

You never noticed...

The sweet pain of failure!

Nobody sees the fake smile, they just see what they want to.

Because it's the only thing that's left when it comes to this feeling.

Bitches need to be punished, bitches need to die.

Sonntag

I know this really doesn't concern you....

But you really made me smile today with just your messages.
They made me think of former times.
I miss you and the time we had.
I wish there was just one day we could spend together!
I miss everything there was, everything that used to be there and that is now blown away....



Donnerstag

Mittwoch

Dear Ca.Schu.

I miss you.

White trash beautiful.

White Trash Beautiful, there's something you should know
My heart belongs to you.
And you could have found a better guy,
I'll love you till the day I die.
I swear to God it's true
I'm comin' home to you,
I'm comin' home to you girl.

They only care when it's too late!

Too late to safe me.
Too late to safe a dead person.

hate hate hate hate hate.

Want to know what hurts the most?

Having to pretend it doesn't hurt at all.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, IT HURTS!

Laxatives make me feel good!

I hate when these voices take over control!

I can't believe how good everything's working at the moment.

No hunger feeling at all.
Ladies, I am BACK ON TRACK!
And nothing's gonna stop me now.

Right now I am still Mrs. Fat-Whale-Piggy-Pig, but that's gonna change.
Perfection, here we go!
I'm sorry, but I had to choose: Loosing weight or loosing life!

Dienstag

I hate that I am lying to him, even though I don't want to.

"Do you wanna order pizza? Like for dinner?"
      - Yes, please. I would love to, I didn't have food in the last three days.
         No, thanks. I already had dinner at home.

"Do you want a piece of my pizza instead?"
     - I really want to. You can't think of how much I would like to just take it.
        You're quite lovely, but I am really not hungry.

The next morning
"Do you wanna have biscuits for breakfast or just toast?"
    - I would love to take all of them, I wish I could.
      No, thanks. I am not that into breakfast eating. I just don't like eating in the morning,
      when I'm still tired.


I AM SO SORRY. I really don't wanna lie to you, but all these voices are telling me to.








   

Sonntag

The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

And numbers again: 1,2 !!!!!

Can't believe it!!
Even though my day yesterday wasn't as good as I wanted it to be!

Samstag

Slitting my throat is all I ever...

One slit,
Two slits,
Three slits, four...

Five slits,
Six slits,
dead on the floor.

Will you come and stop this pain tonight?

Numbers.

Numbers define my life, numbers define who I am, they define whether I am good or bad.

358 yesterday,
47 so far for today.
18 away from what I want, from what I need.
500 per day, minimum.

I hate them as much as I need them!
They make me feel safe, they make me feel good, controlled!

Freitag

It's this voice, these words in my head that keep telling me what I am. And they are so right!!

Best food day since 4 weeks!

Getting back my power to get through a day without food!
Awesome feeling, best feeling in the world!

I wish I could change, but I NEED this feeling.