You're a terrible angel
You did not help me at all
My home became a house
My friends became strangers
Strangers became my friends
Random houses became my home
You're a terrible angel
A devil with dove wings.

And suddenly the thoughts fill your whole head again. They infect your thoughts and block your brain.

Come on. Do it.
I know you can do it.
Ugly bitch.
Move your fat fucking ass for the last time.
DO IT!!!!
You have been so close the last time!!!
Just one more step this time and all this will be gone."

Cause you're my...

You're my,
My true love,
My whole heart,
Please don't throw that away.

I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Got this guardian angel from my mother as a christmas present...
It reminded me of you.


What a week.

15th - 19th December: Inpatient!
I can just say I hate those people there.
I hate the way they are, the way they act, I just hate everything about this place.
What a luck I got out there quite fast.
They just could have let me die.
It would have been ways easier...
If I just wouldn't have been such an idiot, then I wouldn't be here anymore...
Thinking of that makes me wanna do it again... And again and again.
Until it finally works out the way I want it to work out.

He will never know....

Every time just when I am "over him", he sends me a message.
All the wounds start to bleed again.
All my tears start to fall, over and over again.
I miss him and he doesn't even know.
He thinks I am "okay" but what he doesn't know is that I just wanted to die after he left...

This world is killing me... slowly but it definitely will!


In a heartbeat, I would do it all again.

Now I see that you and me were never meant
Never meant to be now
Now I'm lost somewhere
Lost between Elvis and suicide
Every since the day we died, well
I've got nothing left to lose

After Jesus and Rock'n'Roll
Couldn't save my immoral soul, well
I've got nothing left
I've got nothing left to lose.

We're all in prison.

I built mine myself,
but that doesn't make it any easier to get out.


Your friends are always telling you that they're always gonna be there for you.
But when you're screaming your lungs out for help,
Everyone of them suddenly got deaf.


Death sits in the chair across from me and watches.
Death sees but has no eyes.
Death knows but has no mind.

We often sit together in the night.
Death has one move left.
I have none.

Anyway I don't know how much longer I can last.


I really need someone to safe me.

Cause I think I can't handle this on my own anymore.

Die, bitch. Die and feel the pain!


Can we fly?

Do I stay?
We could lose,
We could fail.

30 minutes to finally decide.

Tell me!!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Do you understand who I am?

Do you wanna know?
Can you really see through me now?
I am about to go.

Just tonight.

Here I am and I can't seem to see straight
But I'm too numb to feel right now.
Here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time
I'm too numb to feel right now.


I wish you would come and take the pain away!

Last night...

I was at a friends house and this friend of me was really upset cause of his parents.
So I went into the bathroom and I heard him scream and shout at his father and then he came running into the bathroom, not realizing that I was in there.
He shouted and cried and screamed. It was horrible.
And then he just started cutting his arms open. But he didn't just do it the normal way.
He kinda struck out and just pulled the razor through his skin, with so much power and just like he wouldn't care anymore.
I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, trying not to move so he wouldn't realize me cause I kinda had the feeling that it would be better if he wouldn't see me.
He screamed so loud, I can't even explain. His arms were... torn to pieces.
And then he saw me. He stopped screaming. He looked at me.
His eyes were filled with insanity. I knew that this wasn't the friend I used to know.
He smiled at me as if there wasn't anything wrong.
He came closer and closer and when he stood right in front of me, he hold his arms directly in front of my face.
"You see what this world is doing to me?", he shouted into my face. "This is ALL your fault!"
I started to cry, not because it made me sad, just because I was so afraid of him.
I wasn't able to move, I wasn't able to talk. I just thought that these were my last minutes on this planet. But then he started all over again, he took the razor, pulled it through his arms, there was blood everywhere.
I didn't know what to do, so I just ran. I tried to run out of this bathroom but he was standing right in the way. I cried, I screamed for help but no one came.
Then he took the razor, headed right to me and he started to slit all my body.
He slit everything he could get to, my face, my arms, just everything.
I screamed so loud, I begged him to stop but he wouldn't stop it.
He continued and so I tried again to get out of the bathroom.
I tried to hustle him and because there was blood everywhere on the floor, he slipped and fell.
So I took the chance and ran. Ran for my life, out of this room, out of the house.
Then I stood on the street, there was blood everywhere, I had so many big, gaping wounds.
I looked at them and then I fainted.

I woke up, drenched in sweat when I realized it was all just a dream.
This was the most horrible night in my entire life.

There's just so much pain, filling my lungs, my heart, my whole body.