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Dienstag

No matter what happens 
there will always be a place for you in my heart.
No one will ever be able to take that away from you and me.
Just remember that.
Please.

I guess she will never know...

Maybe she's angry because I didn't answer her letter.
But what she'll never understand, is that I still love her.
And I just didn't answer cause I don't wanna destroy what was there before.
I didn't want to answer the letter in anger and frustration cause I would have destroyed it all and made everything worse.
I know she'll never read this but if I could make all this unhappened, I would.
I would turn back time for this girl because she is the best friend I ever had.
Well... at least I thought she would be the best I will ever have...
But know it's gone and blown away with the wind.

I miss her but she'll never know cause I am too afraid and insecure to tell her what I think.
That I didn't meant that to happen, that this wasn't my intention.
That I would change for her, if I ever had the chance to.

I am sorry.

I wish she'd know!

Donnerstag

2 hours of inline skating today.

What a feeling.
Free.
Feeling the wind.
Feeling the fat melting.
Awesome.

Demons talk.

You're too fat.
You're not worth it.
You'll never be good enough.
You don't deserve it.
You will be even unhappier with this.
You know what happens if you will do this?
Bitch.
Slut.
Fat pig.
You're so fake.
You should better work out more than that.
Move your fucking ass.
Go.
I don't want your fat body around here.
Bitch.
You deserve to die.
You're nothing!
YOU are worthless.

Mittwoch

Hard to stand the pressure of the day.

Failure!

This is me...
I am a failure.
Everyday, again and again.
Too weak to resist.
Too strong to let go.

I need to loose it. Fat. Fat. Disgusting fat.

You're a liar.

And I always thought you'd know me.
I don't need a person like you.
Even if I always thought I would.
This is... not true!!!!

This one is just for you.

As. Long. As. You. Are. With. Me. Everything. Is. Fine.
Cause with you, a sentence with just one word is enough.
Cause you understand me.
I feel that you are there for me.
No matter how hard everything gets.

You became such an important person for me.
Like a little, precious treasure.
I love you, my Rüssli.

Sonntag

I can't help...

But I fucking love bones.
I love them more than anything else.
They are beautiful.
I'm sorry, but I can't help...


There is this girl... Do you see her?

She is utterly repulsive.
I hate her, I can't stand looking at her.
She is fat, she is ugly.
She fails at everything, she lets everyone down.
She hurts other people by just being alive.
No one likes her, I don't see why anyone should, I can totally understand them.
I don't like her either.
She disgusts me, she's stupid, she's annoying.
She's fake, I mean, everyone's telling she's fake, so I think it's the truth.
She's hated, by other people and by me.
I would NEVER wish death to anyone, but I wish she was dead.
She doesn't deserve to be alive, a million miles between us wouldn't be enough.
I would still hate her, feel disgusted by her.
I want to be as far away from her as possible, I just can't stand her.
This girl I hate more than life, more than my worst enemy is me.
I wish I could run away from myself.
I wish I could scream out loud what I really think.
But would anyone hear me?

Mittwoch

Some will never understand...

Dienstag

Today...

My trainer was like "Oh shit, this sucks. I think I gotta throw up!" (This is how you say it in german.)
And all I thought was "Oh, this is what I am doing the whole day - Purging...."

I'm fighting, but I'm loosing a battle against myself.

Montag

The awkward moment....

when you think you're important to someone
and then realize you're not!

Sonntag

Into the deep. And deeper...

Fear. Afraid. Fear. Afraid. Afraid of myself!

HELP!

I'm sorry I'm alive, breathing, wasting space.

Fuck friends.

I need more enemies.
At least they admit they don't like me.

Samstag

Who will love you?

Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Mittwoch