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Dienstag

I wish there was something keeping me alive.

Cause a lot of these things are already gone.
There is just one more thing. But it's fragile.
It's fucking fragile.
And I am afraid of the day, that this fragile thing might break.

Montag

Thunderstorm in my head.

Do it.
Just do it.

I... I can't.

Are you kidding me?
What do you mean with 'I can't'?
For sure you can.
This is the most easiest thing to do.

But.. I really can't.
I don't WANT to.
I am afraid of what will be after that.
I really don't want to.
I'm in tears if I think of what comes after that!

Stop thinking about that. 
Just do it!
It will just take a few minutes.
Maybe just a few seconds.
If you do it wrong, it'll take a few hours.
Just.... Fly. Learn how to fly.
DO IT.

I.... I know, I shouldn't believe you.
You really want to destroy me.
But the more you tell me, 
the harder it's for me to believe myself.
I trust you. I know I shouldn't but I do.
If you say, it's the right thing... It might be the right thing.

Good girl.
Just trust me. I am here for you.
Just one step more into my direction.
Then you'll be at the end of this road.
Come with me and we learn how to fly.
You can do it.
And then, then you will be FREE!


You know what? FUCK YOU.... I'm leaving.

Be happy, live your life, see you then, whenever this will be.
Maybe never... who cares?!?!?

Sonntag

I really need her here... with me...

But she seems even more miles away than she already is....
THIS SHIT IS LIKE KINDERGARTEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Samstag

Freitag

You left me when I needed you the most.

You didn't exactly leave, but you just don't care anymore.

Back to childhood.... Thank you, lovely girl.

You really made my evening! I laughed so much about all the things I nearly forgot.


Disappear...

I was jealous of a 11 year old's legs yesterday....

What a terrible person I am....



My mind is so blurry, just like the world around me.

The people are colorless, broken but perfect.
Everything's got to be perfect.
The world is lost, wasted, dying, but no one cares.
Is this how it's gonna end?
It this the world's end?
Is this MY end?

So, why care about living?

Even if you always say I do. I wish I'd REALLY do.

There's nothing wrong with me... obviously.

I haven't cut since about 2 weeks. Kinda proud.
But I am angry cause I told my mother
and I know that I'll give in soon.
I don't want to let her down.
But I have to... I can't do this "Everything's fine" anymore.

Donnerstag

Then you die.

Cause I don't wanna be the FAT friend anymore.

Someday...

Someone in school saw an old scar and he was like
"Ooooh, did you try to kill yourself but did it the wrong way?"
And all I thought was like
"Yeah, maybe I should have done..."

Mittwoch

I'm so afraid of growing old.

Every time I think of being old and dying,
I start to cry so hard and I can't stop.
I don't wanna die.
I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP.

Just in case...

I feel so safe just by knowing that these pills which could kill
are directly next to me.
Just in case that it's coming to that point.
That point when I decide that I want to learn how to fly.
That I want to free me.
That I want to end the pain, the insecurity, the emptiness.
Just in case...
I am glad to have them here with me.

So close to giving up.

IT'S ONLY GETTING WORSE.

Destroy what destroys you.

Montag

Bitch...Realize.

After a while, you learn that you don't need anyone else to survive.
NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU,
NO MATTER WHAT THEY PROMISE.
You just gotta suck it up and accept it.

A great day to die.

Girl in the mirror.

There's a girl in the mirror,
I wonder who she is.
Sometimes I think I know her,
Sometimes I really wish I did.
There's a story in her eyes,
Lullabies and goodbyes.
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily.

'Cause the girl in my mirror
Is crying out tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her
To make her feel alright.
On the girl in the mirror
Is crying 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do.

If I could
I would tell her
Not to be afraid.
The pain that she's feeling,
The sense of loneliness will fade.
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before.
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily.

Sonntag

My body makes me want to kill myself.

May I be excused from this life for a little while?

This constant ache of emotions eats me from the inside
as my exterior show no pain.
My dreams are heard as whispers, but it's okay.

I won't be remembered anyway...

Donnerstag

Mittwoch

What hurts the most...

Is when people are calling you "Attention Seeker".
Cause I'm not doing this for attention.
I'm doing this cause I am serious about what I am telling you.
And I am just telling you cause I don't have the courage to tell anyone in real life.
THIS is not for attention.
I am serious about what I feel, how I feel, how I think about life.
These are my thoughts and they are NOT for attention.
They are in my head cause... They just are in my head.
I can't do anything for that. I can't change.
I am sorry.

I want to fly.

I'm falling apart.

But nobody notices.

At all times I hear the darkness calling...

WHY?

Why is it so easy to make everyone believe you're okay?
Why is it so hard to just be happy?
Why is it so hard to stay alive?
Why is this world so hard to live in?
Why is my mind so empty?
Why....
That's what I keep asking.
I have no clue...