All the voices singing "Skinny"....

"No one's perfect, Hun." He told her.
"I know," the little girl said. "But I want to be the closest thing to it."
"And what's that?"

But... I don't wanna be skinny.
I wanna be so much more... I want to be bones!

And it's the daily fight... The evil inside your head vs. Your body...

Ever thought that maybe this is all I want ?

And finally, I will be able to fly... I'm sorry.

Pull the trigger, bitch.

Even people in the hospital didn't see it.

Over the whole day nobody saw the cuts.
In a hospital.
I tried to break a glass in the bathroom. It was loud.
Nobody noticed.
I lay in bed, in a t-shirt. With cuts on my arm.
And when they did, they didn't say a word!

Nobody notices.
Nobody cares.
That's how life is.


I stepped into the running water, letting the steam fill the room.
The hot water ran into my arm and about twenty seconds later,
the whole room smelt like blood.


Thoughts, content of my head.

It's the anxiety that controls me!!

And a bit more does each day.

Therapist- Talk

"I am curious they didn't say anything in hospital"    
          - "Why should they?"                                              
"I mean, all the scars on your arm and the underweight."
          - "Wait....what?? What kind of underweight?"
"YOUR underweight!"
          - "I am a 100 % NOT underweight, that's why they didn't."
"Did they weight you with your clothes on?"
          - "Sure they did."
"That explains a lot."

My therapist is driving me crazy, always telling me I look so skinny and underweight and what ever. It's NOT true cause I can see me getting fat.
I mean there is nothing more for me to do at the moment than lying in bed.
How the fuck should I loose weight on this way?!?! Huh???


Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

I really can't express the pain I feel.
In other situations I would be glad about it.
But it's not the kind of pain that I want,
it's not the kind of pain I am doing to myself.
I can't control it, it's just happening. And I hate it.

Chillin' in the hospital.... Day 3.


Turn back time.

I wish I could just turn back time,
Back to when I wasn't born.
Like I never existed.
Nobody would remember me.
Leaving would be so much easier.

They won't ever let me sleep.

They won't let me sleep at night.
They won't even let me daydream about things.
They are always present.
They are always real.
They make my biggest fears come true.


Puppet player.

And whatever I do, whatever I say, it's never me,
it's always the voice in my head, the thing I can't control.

"Oh, you lost weight, right?"

          - Oh really? I don't know, I don't think so.
"I can see it. You really lost a lot of weight"
          - I really can't say, sorry.
"Didn't your mother notice? Or anybody else?"
          - No, nobody notices because nobody cares.
"Well, I notice and I really care. When we have our meeting next time, I really would love to see you more healthy."

Thank you, dear thearapist. Today was an awesome meeting and I am glad I came.
Thank you. 

But anyway, there is no way to tell me I lost weight! Cause I am still the fat fatty fat fat pig I used to be!!



Stop checking your Facebook newsfeed that you’ve already checked two seconds ago. Stop updating your Twitter and seeing what your favorite celebrities are saying. Stop watching funny and nonsense videos on Youtube. Take time to educate yourself to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in this world. This is your chance! WATCH THIS VIDEO.

Let’s make JOSEPH KONY Famous!!
He is THE WORST LIVING CRIMINAL. He abducts children and makes them use guns to kill their own parents. He takes girls and forces them to be sex slaves. He calls his abducted children the Lord’s Resistance Army, AKA the LRA. He has abducted over 30,000 children and forced them to be child soldiers in Central Africa. He remains at large because he is INVISIBLE to the world. FEW know his name, even FEWER know his crimes. WE ARE MAKING HIM FAMOUS! Because when he is, the world will unite against him and demand his arrest.
We can help make a change. We can make a difference.

You all HAVE to watch this.


This video aims to make Joseph Kony famous. Not to praise him, but to make people aware of this man, to make them support the organisation "Invisible Children".
Kony is the leader of an army in Africa called LRA, that abducts children from their families and make them child soldiers.

We all have to help them make it stop!

"It is better when you kill us and if possible, you can kill us, you kill us.
For us, we don't want now to stay."   - Jacob

Jacob is a boy living in Africa. His brother tried to escape from the rebels of the army because he didn't want them to make him a child soldier, so they killed him by cutting his neck in front of Jacob.

All these children have to fear that if they sleep at home at night, they might be abducted by the rebels. So they come to kind of refugee camps where they live under not human circumstances.


I do.