Blood.

I stepped into the running water, letting the steam fill the room.
The hot water ran into my arm and about twenty seconds later,
the whole room smelt like blood.

Thoughts, content of my head.

It's the anxiety that controls me!!

And a bit more does each day.

Therapist- Talk

"I am curious they didn't say anything in hospital"    
          - "Why should they?"                                              
"I mean, all the scars on your arm and the underweight."
          - "Wait....what?? What kind of underweight?"
"YOUR underweight!"
          - "I am a 100 % NOT underweight, that's why they didn't."
"Did they weight you with your clothes on?"
          - "Sure they did."
"That explains a lot."


THE FUCK?!?
My therapist is driving me crazy, always telling me I look so skinny and underweight and what ever. It's NOT true cause I can see me getting fat.
I mean there is nothing more for me to do at the moment than lying in bed.
How the fuck should I loose weight on this way?!?! Huh???

Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

I really can't express the pain I feel.
In other situations I would be glad about it.
But it's not the kind of pain that I want,
it's not the kind of pain I am doing to myself.
I can't control it, it's just happening. And I hate it.

Chillin' in the hospital.... Day 3.