At first I am really sorry for not posting for such a long time, but actually it's summerbreak and so I am out of town and I don't really have time for posting.
But I thought I HAVE to post something for today.
'Cause otherwise it won't be fair to my faithful readers.
There are 5!!!!!! of them already. Thank you sooo much, I am glad about every reader of my blog.
If you have any ideas or criticism or suggestions for making my blog better, just let me know.
I will do my very best to make it the way you like it more and more. :)
So my holidays till now are...kind of boring because it's the same every day.
I am actually at my trainers "farm" with my horses for training for the next competitions and so it's just riding everyday.
I guess it's not worth telling you about that.
And "the rest"....
well....I feel like a cow, can't stand that feeling.
I feel like I'm dying more and more from the inside.
And it's just my head and my body that is killing me.
It's not "living" anymore, it's just being there, here, around.
It's just my body and the mask, the video tape that is doing his job quite well and that is playing my role, playing the girl that I have once been.
And actually it's working really good. I haven't thought that it would be that easy, that nobody would ever recognize a thing.
Well, and now I am sitting here, writing to you, my lovely readers out there, and I just don't feel like I should. I feel like a different person. And I don't want to be that person. But I also don't want to be that fat fat fat fat fat fat fat thing, just hanging around, becoming more and more fat, maybe one day not even fitting into her jeans.
I don't want to be like that. And this thought is even stronger that the thought that I don't want to be that "fake person".
So this is the way I'm gonna live, as long as I can't stand the feeling of becoming fat, becoming even more fat than I am right now.