Excuse me, what level of hell is this?

Now you're back there, on your own again.
Now you're here again, with me, your demons inside your head.

Today my friend, living at my house, left for the weekend or maybe 3 or 4 days.
When she was  here, she gave me so much confidence, she was there for me even though she doesn't know about my problem. I just felt kinda safe with her.
And now that she's gone, I feel so insecure and I have the feeling of being all alone again, totally lost, slowly going mad.
Can't sleep, thinkin' of all the "bad things" again.
Thinking of death, cutting, my eating habits.
Thinking of how FAT I've become.
Thinking of all the ways I could end it all.

It's getting hard again.
Please let me end it all.

I've been sitting in my room lately, in the last few days, at night, with all the things with which I could just end it all.

Right now I am just wasting time, I am just waiting for it to happen.

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