Point.

I've got a gun in my hand but the gun won't cock,
my finger's on the trigger but that trigger seems locked,
and I can't stop staring at the tick-tock clock
and even if I could I would never give up,
with a vest on my chest, a bullet in my lung
I can't believe I'm dying with my song unsung
and if and when I die won't you bury me alone?
Because I'll never get to heaven if I'm singing this song.

Taken by yourself.

Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty. Empty.

I love you.

"I would love to show you, how I see you.
Sometimes I see the real Fly. Just really rarely, but then I see her.
And I wish so much that one day this little, weak, hurt Fly can just break the big walls around her. Because she is a really worthy person...
Darling, you are like a star to me which is actually really beautiful, so intensive and which has such a special glow... which could have so much power and could light up the darkest night but this star always hides behind the clouds.
She always gives in and disappears... so what everyone sees is just this weak ray of light.
But I saw this real glow, this unique brilliance of my best friend.
I know that it's there and believe me, it is so beautiful, so amazing.
Believe me, YOU are beautiful and amazing and one day you will be able to shine again.
Shine with the whole of your heart."

I love you so much, my dearest friend.
I am so glad that you are on my side.
That you are a part of my life, my heart, my soul.
I never wanna live without you again.
You're my everything.
My Guardian Angel.

Sick and tired of trying...

I am so empty at the moment and everyone is like "Oh, you sound so much better since you're at this internship thing."
I seem to get better at acting. Or maybe it's cause I don't see them that often now.
I don't know.
The only thing I can say is that I am not better after all. Not a little bit.
The Problem ist, nobody would understand if I'd tell them, nobody would believe me
cause everything is "sooooo much better now".
Yes, everything's really good. Everything's good, I'm super fine.
I am "healthy" again, they fixed me, for sure.
It was so easy to make you believe I am fine. Everyone believed me. Everything's good, I am smiling, so everything's gotta be good again.
On the outside...
Isn't it strange that the outside doesn't tally with the inside at all?
That nobody notices this faked smile?
That nobody recognizes, how much I disgust myself, how much I hate that my jeans are tight again cause I have to eat so that everybody believes in my lies?
That nobody recognizes that I can't handle the fact that I get fatter and fatter each day, that it tears me apart?
That nobody sees how I have to torture me so that my feelings won't burst out of me and that I don't start crying out of nothing cause I feel like a fat, disgusting, gross, shabby bitch.
Isn't it strange that nobody sees how I really feel?!
I can't bear that anymore.
Really. I am sorry but I can't.
Someday it will burst out of me and everybody will be thinking that I am crazy cause "everything was sooo good."
Yeah, cause nobody understands.
"Oh, it's nothing. Everything is fine." This will be my response. I can promise.
"Everything's fine", just like always. Everything's normal, everything's good, for sure.
Everything's like everyday... like always....

Always by your side..