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No words for my happiness right now!!

Psych ward

Inpatient and 5th day without food.

Sorry for not blogging so much at the moment.
I'm in the psych ward now, closed section. And I have an absolutely awesome committal which keeps me here until they think I am ready to go...
Fuck my life.
I really need to get outta here!
Hope you are all okay. I am trying to keep you updated, but until I'm out here there will only be these ugly text posts...
Stay strong, beauties!!

I will always love you, mum.

You think I do this for attention?!

If I cut for attention, do you really think I'd hide it from everybody for 3 years? If I cut myself for attention, do you think I'd be risking my relationship when I cut? If I cut for attention, do you think I'd be trying to get help for it? If I cut for attention, do you really think I make up lies like "my cat cut me"? If I cut myself for attention, do you really think I'd so something so (sometimes) painful just for attention?If I starved myself for attention, do you really think I'd lie about eating and being hungry? If I starved myself for attention, do you really think I'd be trying to get help? If I purge for attention, do you really think I'd go through hell just to throw up? If I purge for attention, do you really think I'd lie about why I'm in the bathroom for so long? If I attempted suicide for attention, do you really think I'd risk my life?
If I attempt suicide, it's because I couldn't kill the monster inside me, it wasn't for attention. If I cut myself, it's because I'm hurting, really badly. If I starve myself, it's because I feel fat and just want to be skinny. If I purge, it's because I can't stand having food in my stomach; I wouldn't go through all this hell just for attention!

Thanks God, it's all gonna end soon.

You call this a life? No, not anymore.
And I want it to stop. I want to leave and never come back.
I found closure with my life and that it won't get better now.
And that's okay, really. I am totally able to handle that. I'm fine with it.
And I know that it's gonna happen.

What a peaceful moment.

Close your eyes before you hit the ground. Works the best when it's quiet around you.
Most peaceful thing I experienced in the last weeks.
Fly. And. Die.

Being let down and not being understood is all I seem to experience these days.

Thanks for making my decision easier.
I'm not scared, not anymore. Finally.