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Dienstag

"Why are you doing this to yourself? You have everything a girl could ever want!"

I hate people telling me this!!!
Stop it, you have NO idea about what is going on in my life.
Yeah right, I've got horses which are as expensive that other people could bye a brand new car from the money, that's right but is that "having everything"?
Right, I have a lot of stuff and clothes and I could bey a lot of new stuff if I wanted.
Right, I got a beautiful big room, right, I live in a big house.
Right, I have a loving grandma, she'd do everything for me.
And right, I have the most loveliest pets at home, everyone loves them.
But is this "having everything"? Are these material things (except of my granny) really "having everything"?
I've got a dad who doesn't care about me. He didn't even call for my birthdays the last 7 years.  I haven't seen him since 8 years.
I've got a mum who never really notices how I feel and often she just doesn't want to know.
I used to have an amazing, loving stepfather, I knew him since I was two, but I destroyed mum's and his love with my selfishness and hate.
With my stepfather I also lost the only other relatives I ever had, his parents, Ma & Jo.
They have been like my real grandparents, I loved them so much, they were everything to me.
So I have exactly two relatives in my life, my mum and my granny, it feels like I don't even have a family around me.
I fucked up school cause I thought I wouldn't make it.
Since then I am doing nothing serious, working a little but only in the internship-way.
In a modeling agency, on a horse farm.
I am useless, I am such a waste of space. There is nothing in life that I really did good, I never get things done the right way.
And you are trying to tell me that I have everything a girl could ever wish for?
Seriously?


1 Kommentar:

Liberty hat gesagt…

du bist NICHT useless.
und KEIN waste of space oder sonst was. :( Ich wünschte ich wüsste ,wie ich dir zeigen könnte, was du wert bist ..

ich drück dich :/